BREAKING NEWS: Local Man Discovers One Weird Trick For Losing Money Fast!

Last updated January 22, 2025

a trader at his desk with a trashcan fire, throwing dollar bills into the fire.

BREAKING NEWS: Local Man Discovers One Weird Trick For Losing Money Fast! 💸

Financial advisors HATE him!

Meet Dave, a 37-year-old trader who discovered a revolutionary way to turn $100,000 into $10,000 in just three easy steps!

"I spent years learning technical analysis," says Dave. "But then I realized - why use fancy indicators when you can just YOLO into meme stocks?"

His groundbreaking strategy includes:

  1. Waiting for a stock to go up 300%
  2. Buying at the absolute top
  3. Panic selling at the bottom

"The key is timing," Dave explains while eating his 5th Cup Noodles of the day. "You want to make sure you buy right before the rug pull. It's basically reverse DCA."

But wait, there's more!

Dave's advanced techniques include:

  • Buying OTM options 1 day before expiry
  • Following Twitter traders with rocket emojis
  • Increasing position size after 3 straight losses
  • Using astrology to time entries
  • "Diamond hands" until -99%

"My wife's boyfriend thinks I'm crazy," Dave admits. "But he also drives a Lambo, so what does he know?"

Success Stories

"I followed Dave's strategy and lost my kids' college fund! Now they have to become YouTubers!" - Tim, 45

"Thanks to Dave's system, I finally moved back in with my parents. The basement has great WiFi!" - Sarah, 32

"I showed Dave's strategy to my financial advisor and he had a stroke!" - Mike, 28

Limited Time Offer

Sign up for Dave's course "How To Speedrun Financial Ruin" and receive:

  • List of the worst performing stocks (guaranteed losers!)
  • Guide to ignoring risk management
  • Premium Discord where everyone's always wrong
  • NFT of Dave's margin call
  • Free therapy session coupon (you'll need it)

WARNING: ⚠️ Side effects may include:

  • Chronic portfolio pain
  • Severe account drainage
  • Acute reality denial
  • Relationship problems
  • Sudden urge to buy crypto at all-time highs
  • Involuntary mumbling of "buy the dip"
  • Restraining orders from your broker

But don't take our word for it!

Here's Dave's track record:

2021: -50%
2022: -75%
2023: "Error 404: Account Not Found"

"People ask me, 'Dave, how do you sleep at night?'"

"Simple - I trade crypto 24/7. I don't sleep."

BONUS: First 100 subscribers get Dave's exclusive guide "How To Turn Your Winning Position Into A Losing One By Over-Trading!"

Act now! (Before Dave's account gets liquidated)

*Results not typical. Actually, results typically worse.

**This is not financial advice. This is financial warning.

***If you actually follow any of this, you might be beyond help.

P.S. Dave is now accepting applications for a new financial advisor. His last one filed a restraining order.

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Daniel Larsen

Daniel created epicctrader.com to help new and experienced traders level up. He began trading in 2002, and has spent over a decade trading professionally, for prop firms and clients. When he's not at a computer, you can find him on the ocean, in a canyon, or in the mountains.

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